Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It Is That Time of Year Again?

It Is That Time of Year Again?

Christmas is a celebratory time for most people, family get togethers, exchanging of presents, enjoying food and drink with family and friends.

Some of us just shut down for Christmas.  I am for most of the year upbeat and enjoying beauty that surrounds me but, as soon as the tinsel and Santas begin to adorn the shop fronts and the Christmas carols and the jostling frenetic crowds I start to withdraw.  Try as I must I can not get past the impending feelings of agitation and something not nice is about to happen.

Many people experience the most trying of times at this time of year and I have never acknowledged these feelings to others just disguised the agitation and unease I feel at this time of year.  Suffice to say that years of dealing with alcohol abuse over the Christmas holiday leaves me feeling out of the person trying to get into the gilded cage where everyone else is having this happy happy time.

I believe in a balance of good and evil and am agnostic which is something one does not readily admit to at this time of year.  Some would say if I were a true believer this black dog would leave me at Christmas time.  My sons understand and leave me be and I had thought I would turn this around this year but I simply am unable to do so or lack the strength to do so.  A very smart man told me years ago when something bad happens to a person they may rise from the ashes with steel in their back, I would like to think I am that person with the occasional lapse.

I believe others out there suffer as I do at this time of year and put up this false front to conform with the majority......I have to do my best for my grandchildren and keep this from them as this I know is a magical time for most children and should be.  I do hope with all the celebrations some people have a think about the children who suffer most at this time of year and spare a thought for them and a kind word.  Look about and notice.

Well not a suitable sentiment for the celebratory time of the year but the compliments of the season I wish go with you.  and may your particular God go with you.

There are as many nights as days,
and the one is just as long as the other in
the year's course Even a happy life cannot
be without a measure of darkness, and
the word "happy" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.

Carl Jung
I went high in the hills last night and saw the most glorious turn out of a sunset which makes me appreciate every breath I take.....